


Before the Miracle

by LiaoftheDawn



Series: Miracle series [3]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Men Crying, Physical Disability, Rehabilitation, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiaoftheDawn/pseuds/LiaoftheDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I never wanted you to see me like this". Midorima and Takao must now face the struggles of adapting to Midorima's new disability and the strains it will put on their relationship without falling apart. Companion piece to "Show you a Miracle"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after Takao wakes up and learns of Midorima's disability but before Midorima completes his rehabilitation.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I'm already 18, and I have an army of doctors around me, I don't need more people babying me."

"I know but…"

"The team needs you more than me. It's our last year in high school and we've worked too hard to give up on the Winter Cup. I won't forgive you if you drop out now that we've come so far."

That's what Shin-chan had said before Takao departed with the rest of Shuutoku's team for their traditional summer training camp. They had made it to second place in the summer Inter-High and everyone had been excited about the Winter Cup, but Midorima and Takao's accident, and the green-haired ace's sudden retirement had caused a severe blow to the team's morale. Takao himself wasn't that sure he was in the right shape to be playing high-profile sports; the doctors had warned him that one of his broken ribs was not fully-healed yet. But Shin-chan had been almost pushing him to get on the bus while he stayed behind for rehabilitation, and he knew the team would not be able to recover if they lost their Captain as well as the Ace.

Getting back on court was terribly painful. It was as if every little thing reminded him of Shin-chan or the fact that they wouldn't be standing on the same court again. The rest of the team shot him with constant glances, a mixture of pity and hopelessness –not a single one of them believed they could win any game without their Ace, not even Takao-, and it took every ounce of mental strength in him to keep from crying in front of the other guys. He'd promised Shin-chan to bring the Winter Cup to Shuutoku and although he couldn't really picture how he was going to achieve it, he had every intention of doing so. Now more than ever, he had to be strong to keep the team from falling apart and he could not grant himself the luxury of showing his insecurities.

He was relieved when training camp was over. He wasn't sure he would've been able to hold it in much longer, that heart-wrenching feeling that overwhelmed him every time he called out a name out of habit, only to realize the man he was calling wasn't standing on the court with him.

He dropped his bag on the couch and was about to walk up straight to his room, not willing to talk or meet anyone now, when his mother called from the living room.

"Kazunari? Oh, welcome home! How was training? You must be tired, want me to…"

Takao didn't pay attention to the rest of what his mother was saying, for he noticed another person sitting in the living room: a woman with a stern face, a clever glint in her eyes, an expensive kimono and vibrant emerald hair, looking straight at him, her lips drawing a thin straight line.

"Quite a perfect timing, I must say. I was just telling your mother how I wanted to have a word with you, Kazunari-kun."

* * *

The doctors in the rehabilitation facility where Shin-chan was now hospitalized had been talking for ages, but Takao had long zoned out from whatever they were saying. He bit his lip. He wasn't ready for this, but he couldn't say no and run away after what Midorima's mother had told him.

" _I am sure you know my Shintarou can be difficult to handle at times."_

" _Shin-chan, difficult? Never thought about it."_ The answer had come out in a standard sarcastic tone, and he had to cover his face in embarrassment after noticing who he was talking to. Fortunately, she had taken it with humor and chuckled.

" _He's been a little bit eccentric since he was a kid. It's always been hard for him to open up to others or make friends. Kazunari-kun was the first friend he ever brought home."_

Of course, he already knew that. Not many were willing to look past Shin-chan's awkward personality to realize just how special he was.

" _I hope you realize you're an irreplaceable person in my son's life. Not even his father or I can get across to him the way you do."_

Takao blushed, and his chest puffed up with pride upon hearing the recognition. He knew he was important to Shin-chan, that even before they started dating he had been closer to the miracle shooter than anyone else –even his former Teiko teammates-, but it made him all warm inside to know that Shin-chan's family acknowledged that as well.

" _I want you to know I wouldn't trouble you with this if I had the choice. Shintarou will definitely disapprove of me speaking to you about this. Your mother has told me your injuries have not healed completely, and I realize your load of responsibilities is very heavy, but I know he will listen if it's you. Please, Kazunari-kun, talk my son back into reason."_

The nurse was now leading him to Shin-chan's room. She kept saying things that were probably important, but Takao didn't really want to hear. He was worried about how Shin-chan would react. He wouldn't be happy to see him, that's for sure. He could already hear his voice, apparently arguing with one of the doctors, but he couldn't make out the words.

The nurse knocked the door. "Midorima-san? You have a visitor."

The arguing stopped and the nurse opened the door. For the untrained eye, Shin-chan looked almost like his usual self, but Takao knew better. The creases on his forehead were tighter, there was a faint redness in the corner of his eyes, his knuckles were holding tightly to the bedsheets and his shooting hand fingers were untaped, the fingernails unevenly trimmed. Shin-chan was a mess.

His green pupils turned to slits of surprise and anger upon laying their gaze on Takao.

"W-what are you doing here?!"

Takao winced at the furious tone in his boyfriend's voice. Midorima had told Takao that he shouldn't call or text him while he was in the training camp, arguing it could ruin his concentration, and Takao had respected that wish. This was the first time he heard Shin-chan's voice in a week, and the rejection he heard in it took him aback.

"I called him. Don't resent Kazunari-kun, he wants to see you get better as much as I do." Mrs. Midorima chimed in, a concerned look on her face giving away how affected she was by her son's condition.

Shin-chan bit his lip and Takao didn't even know if he should say anything. Would he really be able to do anything in this situation, like Shin-chan's mother hoped he would?

"Let's give the boys a minute to catch up, shall we?"

The doctors exchanged doubtful looks, but Shin-chan's mother was the kind of woman who wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, and everyone swiftly left the room, which made Takao wonder about how much she actually knew about their relationship. Mrs. Midorima patted his shoulder before exiting, leaving the two young boys alone.

There was a long drawn, awkward silence. Takao fidgeted on his spot and looked up to meet his boyfriend's green eyes. He took a deep breath. Someone had to break the ice someday, may as well get done with it sooner, rather than later.

"I missed you".

Shin-chan turned his gaze away to hide the faint blush on his cheeks and he 'hmmm'd in agreement. A small smile took over Takao's lips, realizing this was still the same shy, adorable and eccentric Shin-chan he loved, and a wave of relief washed over him.

"I'm sorry about my mother. I told her not to bother you, I'm doing fine. You shouldn't have come."

Takao finally found the courage to step forward and sit on the edge of the bed, facing his boyfriend and not even trying to hide how worried he was. The fact that Shin-chan was lying so shamelessly only made his concern grow. He grabbed his lover's hands in his and drew invisible lines on their back with his thumbs.

"Shin-chan, whatever you do, please don't lie to me. That you won't trust me hurts a lot more than anything you could be hiding. I told you before that I would stay by your side every step of the way and that's exactly what I intend to do." He pulled the bony hands closer to his face and kissed their fingertips gently. He felt Shin-chan trembling and he looked up to meet emerald eyes glazed with tears.

"I just… I didn't want  _you_  to see me like… like  _this_!" he snatched his hands away from Takao's grasp to cover his face.

Takao shut his eyes tight for a minute to hold the tears in and laid his hands on top of Midorima's legs, leaning closer to the stubborn green-headed boy. He took a deep breath. He had to be strong now, more than ever. Shin-chan was falling apart, Takao could afford nothing short of becoming a rock.

"And I don't want to see you like this either. Nor does your mother, or anyone who loves you. When I left for the training camp you promised you would take care of yourself, but that's not what you're doing. Please Shin-chan… please stop refusing rehab therapy."

Midorima snapped angrily. "Yeah, that's easy to say when you're not the one going through it. It's pointless! My legs can't feel a thing, forget about moving, and I can't handle the wheelchair or the crutches. It's not working at all! They're just giving me false hopes; everyone knows I'll never get better! I'll be tied to this stupid bed for the rest of my life!"

Takao bit his lip with a mixture of anguish and frustration. Shin-chan was right, the doctors had said he would never walk again. But Takao couldn't stand watching the boy he loved defeated, giving up like that. He bit back his tears again, because this wasn't about him, it was about Shin-chan's pain and helping him out of the slump, it was about being strong for Shin-chan when he needed it the most.

He grabbed his boyfriend's face with his two hands, forcing him to meet his eye and took a deep breath. "You're gonna' snap out of this right now, Midorima Shintarou." Midorima seemed startled from hearing his full name coming from his boyfriend's lips in such a dead serious tone. "We promised we'd find a way out of this together, you're not allowed to just give up before even trying. Don't let yourself be defeated by this.  _I_ believe in you; so if you trust me, then trust that I'm right in doing so. I'm not gonna' leave your side again, I'll be right here all the way through. If it hurts you can squeeze my hand and I'll share your pain. I'll scream with you when you're angry and cry with you when you get frustrated. It won't be easy, but I'll be there all the time. You're not getting rid of me any time soon. Get it already?"

Midorima couldn't hold Takao's gaze and he bit his lip, trying to look in some other direction. "But it's useless. I'll never walk again."

"I know that. And I would never lie about it. But that's not the endgame. You could still play basketball if you learn how to move the chair on your own. Even if you can't walk, you may be able to get your legs to move and feel again. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's what we've got." Midorima kept avoiding his gaze, so Takao inched closer to him until their foreheads were touching "If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me. I'm begging you, Shin-chan. I would never be able to forgive myself if you give up now, when it was my fault that this happened."

The green-haired shooter flinched and looked up at him with pain in his eyes. Takao knew he was being unfair and using underhanded tactics, but he was running out of ideas. It was true he still felt guilty for what happened, but he'd promised himself not to bring it up in front of Shin-chan, because he knew it would upset him, but if that would help change Shin-chan's mind about rehab, he was willing to go that far.

Midorima's fingers clenched around the bedsheets. He looked down to see his knuckles going white and then realized that one of Takao's hands was resting on top his left thigh. He couldn't feel it. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. He hadn't stopped to think about it, but losing sensibility of his legs meant losing so many things. He remembered the weight of Takao's head when it rested on his lap. The softness of his hands when he caressed his legs. The warmth of his body when they cuddled. The relaxing feeling when he massaged his feet and legs after an exhausting game. The way their legs would entwine with each other's when they lay in bed together. Would he have to give all that up too? He couldn't bear to even think about it.

He looked up and met Takao's eyes, still looking at him with straightforward sincerity. One of the tears he'd been holding back rebelliously slipped down his cheek as he nodded, not knowing which words could explain how much he wished he could feel the pressure of Takao's hand on his leg.

* * *

The doctors looked confused when Shin-chan announced he would resume his rehabilitation therapy, but his mother had only smiled pleasantly and winked at Takao. For a moment, Takao was genuinely concerned that she was aware of the nature of his relationship with her son, but he realized that if she indeed knew, then the trust she put in him was a hell of a lot more important than he'd initially guessed, and it made him beam with pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been dubious about doing this part. When I originally published Show you a Miracle, someone suggested writing a more in-depth story about Midorima's rehabilitation. I wasn't sure about it because I'm not quite familiar with actual rehabilitation and didn't want to do a disservice to people who have gone through it. But while writing Beyond the Miracle I realized that this particularly critical period would be the roots of many of the issues they would have in the future, but also the foundation stones of how strong their relationship became, and I wanted to write a bit about it. I don't know if I'll be able to do the theme justice, but I hope I'm at least capable of showing this important phase in their relationship and the strength of the bonds that tie them.


	2. Chapter 2

Rehabilitation went by slowly and bore little results. The doctors tried to put less pressure on Shin-chan by not forcing too much physical therapy and focusing in his wheelchair practice, coping counseling and occupational therapy. It helped him keep his mind busy and give him a sense of getting some control back in his life. But Takao couldn't help worrying. With the kind of injury he'd suffered, the sooner he received intense physical rehab, the higher the chances of him getting better mobility and sensibility below the waistline.

Shin-chan had strong arms, and his expertise in shooting three-pointers meant his hands could move with high precision, so his struggle with the wheelchair had been more psychological than a lack of skill. He never said it, but it was clear he felt that giving in to the chair was accepting he would never walk again, and he was still not strong enough to face that reality upfront.

"It's okay Shin-chan, if you can't handle this I'll just have to carry you in my arms all the time." Takao had said jokingly in the middle of a frustrating session in which even the nurse had started to lose her temper over Midorima's stubbornness.

"Don't be stupid, I'm too tall and heavy for you. You'd get yourself injured rather than being any help."

Takao smiled as he stood behind Shin-chan and leaned over to hold the miracle's hands that were resting on top of the wheels. His fingers were shaking. Takao thumbed the taping on the shooting hand, a habit Midorima refused to abandon. When the nurse was looking away, he took the chance to press a quick kiss on his boyfriend's cheek, after which he looked at him straight in the eye and smiled meekly.

_It's going to be okay._

Midorima took a deep breath and pushed Takao's hands away from his. He clutched the wheels and pushed himself a couple of feet to the front, then turned around to face his lover with a new determination drawn on his emerald eyes.

For the following hour, half of the hospital staff marveled at how Shin-chan could move around on the chair as if he'd been born doing it.

* * *

Occupational therapy was like flipping a coin. Depending on Shin-chan's mood and the activity at hand, it could be the saving grace of an otherwise frustrating day of fruitless physical exercises, or it could ruin Shin-chan's attitude for the entire day. Sometimes Takao felt sorry for the nurses who had to deal with Shin-chan's temper tantrums.

There was the time in which they'd tried with knitting and Shin-chan had struggled with the needle for ages before finally managing to stab his finger with it. He then proceeded to scream at the nurse until she was on the verge of tears. "My legs are already useless, do you want me to lose my fingers too?!" It took a while for him to calm down, and it wasn't until Takao chastised him and redid the taping of his fingers that he apologized to the poor girl. Needless to say any sort of task that involved needles had been banned from his schedule.

Another day the doctor had suggested oil painting. Shin-chan had been hesitant but he decided to give it a try, and after a few hours he'd half-smiled at Takao and said "well, if I fail in the medical field, I suppose I could earn a living like this." It was mostly a joke, but it was funny how proud he felt of his work. Because of that, Takao had to keep himself from telling his boyfriend that he didn't have any talent whatsoever and instead just chuckled in agreement.

Apart from this, Shin-chan kept himself busy with catching up with school and occasional piano practice, something he'd always been good at. Takao enjoyed sitting in the corner of the room and watching intently as his lover's dexterous fingers danced over the keys and the beautiful melody filled the room. Playing the piano always seemed to improve his mood greatly.

Takao barely ever left the rehab center during summer break. Midorima would often urge him to go home, but Takao could tell his emerald-eyed boyfriend didn't really want him to leave, so he stayed.

Once school started again, the time he could dedicate to Shin-chan's rehab decreased immensely, especially with the upcoming university entrance exams and basketball practice. He still visited every day, but he didn't feel he was being of much help. With the passing of time and the lack of notorious improvement, Shin-chan's state of mind started to worsen considerably, and more often than not Takao would see the nurses playing rock-paper-scissors, with the loser getting the task of taking care of Midorima for the day.

One day, Midorima's mother had approached him with her ever-knowing smile (she was so different from her son) and signaled that she wanted to talk with him.

"I know we are already abusing your kindness, but if you still want to do something else to help Shintarou, there is something you could aid us with."

He didn't even have to think about it, and he had a feeling she knew it.

* * *

"Today we're starting with a different sort of therapy, it's a little bit experimental but it's proved effective on patients with physical and emotional trauma." The doctor explained as she wrote down on her clipboard. "We would usually suggest the assistance of the patient's family, but Ms. Midorima insisted on going this way."

Shintarou quirked an eyebrow, curious as to what that meant. He looked over to his mother, but she was smiling passively, as if she didn't know what the doctor was talking about. His father, who had just returned from an important business trip and was still having a hard time catching up with everything that had happened, didn't even seem to be listening to the conversation.

"Alright, Midorima-kun. I'm going to recline the bed so you'll be lying on your back." Dr. Ienaga announced with a steady voice and a confident smile. The young woman had often witnessed Midorima exploding in frustration and terrifying all the other doctors and nurses, but she'd always been firm and had never been intimidated by his strong temper. He didn't reply and just let her do as she wanted, feeling a little dizzy with the change of the bed's inclination. She then proceeded to change the bag of medicine that was connected to his arm by a long tube, even though it was still half full.

"I'm taking you off the pain-killers for a while, so you will feel a little bit uncomfortable, but we want your neurotransmitters at full capacity. This medicine should enhance the sending and receiving of nervous signals all over your body, and we will be doing some special exercises with your legs that we hope will help to send some electricity through the connections between your legs and your brain. As you know, the nervous receptors in your lower body should be functional, but their link with the CNS was partially damaged and so they're only sending and receiving very weak signals. We expect that this medicine along with some physical stimulation of your muscles and joints will help improve the signal reception and heal the connections so you can regain sensibility and mobility in your legs."

The effect wasn't instantaneous, but he noticed the tiny changes as the new medicine started flowing into his system. Things that the pain-killers had kept hidden started to come to his notice, like the sting from the few remaining cuts and bruises on his chest, particularly the one where his rib cage had slammed against the concrete, and even though he hadn't broken any ribs by some sort of miracle, it still hurt quite a bit, and the pain seemed to be gradually increasing as the pain-killers left his body.

"Takao-kun, you can sit here now."

Midorima looked over to catch the doctor moving away and letting Takao stand beside the bed. He looked nervous, his hands were shaking. What was this all about?

"Just do it like you've been practicing, you'll be fine." The doctor coaxed him gently. The green-haired boy could see she was making her best effort to stay patient with the fidgeting teenager, and that there was something about whatever this was that she was still unconvinced about.

"Alright uhmmm… I'm gonna start now, okay? J-just let me know if it hurt-shit! No, I mean…"

Midorima was utterly confused about Takao's state of mental instability, he looked as if he was about to have a nervous breakdown. The shorter teen was sitting at the end of the bed, taking deep breaths and flexing his fingers, as if he were mentally preparing for something really important. He then saw Takao's hands surrounding his left ankle. Because of his position, it was hard to tell what was going on down there and he couldn't feel a thing. For all he knew, Takao could be chopping his foot off and he would never notice. He felt anger and frustration starting to well up inside him, but Takao's steady breathing and the determination in his clear eyes helped to calm him down.

"Yes, that's good, you're doing great Takao-kun." Dr. Ienaga encouraged him, closely observing whatever it was that the shorter boy was doing. "Your friend is stimulating the motor functions of your feet and legs. Some studies have suggested that the assistance of a close relative or friend generates a positive emotional response to the treatment that increases brain activity and it has significantly improved the healing process for many patients." She explained, taking more notes in her clipboard. "Let us know if you feel anything, no matter how small it is, even a slight tingle or numbness would be great progress."

For some reason, it always made him angry when people asked him to speak up "if he felt anything". He didn't, and he seriously doubted any of these treatments would work. It had been almost two months since the accident and none of the therapies had managed to make his legs work again in any way. He held back an angry comment about the futility of this and he glared at the doctor who was no longer paying attention to him, too busy being unusually nice with Takao, which made him furious.

"I'm no doctor, but maybe we should leave the boys alone. I think if they can have a normal guy-on-guy conversation it would help creating those positive responses Dr. Ienaga was talking about?" Midorima's mother seemed to notice the shift in her son's mood and spoke up immediately, although the son in question wasn't really sure of what she was trying to accomplish.

Dr. Ienaga didn't seem too pleased with the proposal and tried to interject that she was supposed to stay for observation, but she couldn't refuse the stern gaze of the green-haired woman and ultimately left the room along with everyone else.

There was an awkward silence between the two teenagers after the door clicked closed. Takao's breathing was becoming a little ragged and he wouldn't take his eyes off Midorima's leg. The taller boy saw him stand from his chair and kneel on the bed. He couldn't feel it, but he saw his knee being flexed, just slightly at first, tentatively. He could now see Takao was still holding him by the ankle and pushing his knee into bending. It was an extremely alien experience, as if he was watching Takao holding someone else's legs that just happened to be attached to his body. The sensation –or lack thereof, rather- was terribly unsettling.

"Hey, Shin-chan…" Takao began, hoping to break the ice. "Do you reckon your mom knows about us?"

He looked nervous and a slightly red tint colored his cheeks. It was an endearing sight and Midorima was reminded of everything Takao was doing for his sake, which immediately lowered the tension that had been coursing his body.

"Obviously. She's really perceptive. She noticed I was in love with you long before you even asked me out."

Takao smiled involuntarily upon hearing his suspicions confirmed. It just made it so much more amazing and important that Ms. Midorima had trusted her son's care and well-being into Takao's hands. He'd always known he'd eventually have to confront his lover's conservative family about their relationship -they couldn't keep it a secret forever- but he had been sure they would not react kindly upon hearing their first-born son was romantically involved with another man, and from an unremarkable family to boot. It put his heart at ease to know at least Shin-chan's mother knew and approved of their relationship.

"Y'know, it was your mom who asked me to do this. Dr. Ienaga thought it was very weird, but your mom insisted that I was better suited for it." His knee was now being bent all the way up to his chest and stretched down to touch the mattress. "I'm not sure if I really can make this work but it still made me happy that she's OK with a below-average guy like me being with Shin-chan."

Midorima smiled –the thought of pointing out that Takao was anything  _but_  below-average crossed his mind- and continued to watch Takao repeating the process with his right leg. It was an exhausting exercise for him too, and he would take short breaks to catch his breath and talk to him about club practice and school. It was a very odd, yet very intimate moment, the first they'd had since the accident, and it made Midorima momentarily forget about everything else that was happening.

And still, after an hour had passed, he still couldn't move or feel anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I want to apologize if my depiction of Shin-chan's rehab offends anyone. I reckon I basically invented a lot of medical shenanigans to put these guys in the right place for their emotions of impotence, guilt and fear -the emotions that I imagine would be overwhelming them in this situation- to be pulled forward the most. I do my foremost effort to make it realistic, but having no first-hand experience on the matter, I rely on google to figure out some specifics. I will gladly accept any clarifications or corrections.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

They repeated the exercise every day for one hour, coupled with other kinds of therapy, but they had yet to produce any results. Dr. Ienaga had been closely supervising Takao's performance, thinking he might be doing something wrong, but she admitted the boy was doing remarkably well given his inexperience. Midorima could tell even she was losing hopes of any improvement, which only helped in worsening his mood. Every passing day he felt less and less receptive to any new ideas or medicines. At this point, all he wanted was to give up and go home, because this whole thing was completely pointless. If he was doomed to stay tied down to a bed, he'd rather be trapped in the comfort and familiarity of his bedroom, rather than the bright facility room with its unnerving smell of disease and the constant beeping of the machines.

The young doctor was not unaware of her patient's deteriorating mood, but there was nothing she could do to help. She was confident that the boy's condition was ideal for him to recover partial mobility and almost full sensibility from the waist down, but he had been hardly cooperating since therapy began. His negativity was definitely in detriment of the treatment; if he didn't believe he could be healed, then his body would comply with that belief. He'd only be willing to try out any of the exercises and counseling if his friend talked him into it. She was amazed at the raven-haired boy's devotion to his disabled friend. Midorima was quite a piece of work, yet his friend came to visit every day without fault and never complained about the taller teen's attitude. He also volunteered to help with the physical therapy, and he'd taken the practice sessions much more seriously than any normal teenager would.

"Midorima-kun, Takao-kun is here." She announced as she moved to the top of the bed to recline it.

"Are you sure you have time to spare for this? The Winter Cup starts next month." Shintarou commented nonchalantly, unwilling to meet his boyfriend's clear eyes.

Takao didn't fail to notice the coldness in Midorima's voice. He was in a bad mood. "Don't worry about that, I've kept up with practice as any responsible captain would. I wouldn't allow for our team to laze off after how hard we've trained all year. We're taking that trophy home this time, I swear."

Midorima would've usually felt relieved to hear that; the last thing he wanted was for Shuutoku's performance to suffer because Takao spent so much time at the hospital taking care of him. But today was just one of those days when he didn't want to think about the tournament he wouldn't play in, or the cup he wouldn't help to win. For a very brief instant, he almost wished they lost. He didn't want them to win without him. But he shook the thought out of his head instantly, terrified by his own bitterness.

"Alright, we're going to start right now."

Once again, he saw Takao grabbing his leg and he  _saw_  it move, but couldn't feel anything: not the warmth of Takao's hands, or how they shook with nervousness, not the crack of his joints protesting for being forcibly moved after being inactive for so long, nor the stretching and relaxing of his muscles, nor the weight of Takao's body pushing his knee upwards and then pulling it back to its original position.

"Don't forget to let us know if you feel anything."

He growled in annoyance. No, for the umpteenth time, he couldn't feel a thing, how many times would he have to say it?

"It's not working, my legs are useless and they'll stay like that forever."

Dr. Ienaga huffed, already feeling frustrated by the bad aura the boy was giving. It was almost as if he wanted it to fail to prove his point. She understood that, being so young and such a promising star in his sports team, losing the ability to run, walk and jump must've hit him really hard. It was clear that he was allowing himself to sink in self-pity and unconsciously sabotaging the treatment in the process.

"Close your eyes and try to place all your focus in your legs. Your brain needs to remember that its job is to move them."

He did as he was told, but when he tried to focus on his legs, he felt nothing but a void. With his eyes closed, it felt as if his two legs had just vanished, he couldn't even feel they were there, and he couldn't tell what position they were in, let alone make them move. The frustration started to build up inside him, and as the minutes passed in silence it quickly grew to boiling point.

The doctor noticed the rise in the patient's tension, and the machines signaled an increase in his heart rate. This wasn't good, he was getting too stressed.

"Try to relax and take deep breaths." She instructed, hoping he could focus back on the positive rather than give in to his anger, but it seemed too late for that.

"Stop, just stop it already!" Midorima yelled, tired of being told what to do. He instinctively tried to yank his leg away from Takao's grasp, and when it didn't respond it just made him even angrier.

Kazunari panicked and let go of his boyfriend's ankle. "I'm sorry, Shin-chan! Did it hurt?" He covered his mouth with his hands when he realized his mistake and cursed under his breath.

"No, it doesn't hurt, idiot, I can't fucking feel anything at all." He snapped, furious.

Takao backed away, thrown off by Midorima's sudden rage.

"I-it's okay, Shin-chan. We'll get through this, we knew it would be hard, right? Maybe we should call it a day and try again tomorrow, you must be tired."

A little voice in the back of his head was telling him that he shouldn't take it out on Takao, that he was trying his best, and that Takao was probably much more invested on his recovery than he'd ever been, but his blind rage was too strong to listen to it.

"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one doomed to a bed and a wheelchair for the rest of your life! You're just trying to make yourself feel better so you can ignore your guilt. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you!"

The moment the words left his mouth he wished with all his might that he could take them back, but it was too late, the damage was done. Takao's face was drained of all color and his eyes had gone blank.

"Ah… yeah, that's true. I… I guess I should leave, it was a bad idea for me to do this after all. There's no way I could help you get better. I s-suppose I was just trying to feel like I could… That was pretty selfish of me, right? After all it-it is my fault that… this happened. Ah… sorry."

He left the room with tears prickling the corners of his eyes before Midorima could put his ideas in order to try to fix it. Dr. Ienaga watched as the scene unfolded, surprised and worried by the terrible turn of events. This was bad. That boy was the only one who'd managed to motivate Midorima to give therapy a chance, and now that they'd had a fallout, Midorimas already precarious emotional state could only get worse. This was the reason she didn't like working with teenagers; even in her short experience it all spiraled down to melodrama too quickly and treating them always became a nightmare.

She looked over to Midorima, who was in total shock after what happened and was staring intently at the spot where Takao had been standing. She sighed. They wouldn't be getting any results today. She unplugged the medicine bag, things were bad enough and she didn't want the kid to get too much of the enhancer in his system, especially when he was so emotionally distraught. She told him they would let him rest for the day, but got no response. By the time she left the room, he was still static, staring at the door and hoping to see a familiar raven head walk through it.

* * *

Takao wasn't really sure of how he'd gotten back home and locked himself in his room. He had been in such a hurry to get as far from the rehabilitation center as possible that he hadn't been paying attention to where his feet were leading him.

Shin-chan's words were in constant replay inside his mind, and the heartache made the tears that'd been stinging his eyes for a while finally overflow and stream down his cheeks. He knew he was being selfish and stupid, that he'd promised to be by Shin-chan's side through all these bad times and that his boyfriend was just being overwhelmed by everything that was happening. He wanted to convince himself that Shin-chan hadn't really meant it, that he was just being turned into a scapegoat for all the terrible, drastic changes that Midorima was going through but could not control.

It wasn't as if he hadn't been blaming himself for this since the beginning. When he first woke up after the accident and found out about Midorima's paralysis, he'd briefly entertained the idea of chopping off his own legs to get even with Shin-chan's loss, which he was convinced had totally been his fault. But when Shin-chan had told him to stop beating himself up about it and reassured him that he didn't blame him for the accident, it brought a certain peace to his heart. Every time he had felt like an unworthy maggot because of all the hardships his boyfriend was going through, he remembered that Shin-chan had forgiven him and it gave him a little bit of solace. So when he heard Shin-chan directly blaming him for the situation, it felt as if he was being stabbed through the heart with a cold knife. Even if he was sure Shin-chan didn't feel what he'd said, the fact was that he'd actually thought about it, or otherwise those words wouldn't have been in his mind, and that broke his heart.

He leaned his back against the door and curled up in the floor, hugging his knees and hoping no one was home to hear him bawl like a child and apologize over and over to a person that wasn't there.

* * *

Midorima woke up with a start and tears running down his face. It had all been a terrible dream. It had to be. Never in his right mind would he have said such terrible things to Takao, who'd been nothing but gentle, caring and understanding in spite of all his childish temper tantrums. Not when he knew how fragile Takao was, how guilty he felt. He would never ever even think to imply that Takao was guilty for the accident, because he wasn't, and Midorima had never thought otherwise. It must've been a nightmare.

The darkness and silence of his room morphed around him, and by the time he caught on to what was going on, he was surrounded by the sound of sirens and screams, the smell of something burning. His body felt like it was being crushed, and he wanted to call out for help, but his voice wouldn't come out.

"This one's breathing, get him on the cart!" someone yelled, and Midorima turned his head following the voice, only to find Takao lying unconscious on top of a medical cart. His raven hair was sticky with blood and his face was swollen and bruised. He tried to stand up and run to him, but the rickshaw was crushing him by the waist and he couldn't move.

"Oi! He's fibrillating! Give me the paddles!" one of the paramedics called out, ripping Takao's shirt open

Takao's body had gone completely limp, and the machine he'd been plugged to was beeping incessantly. He could vaguely hear the voice of the paramedic screaming "Clear!" before striking his boyfriend's pale chest with the electric paddles. Takao's inert body convulsed violently, but the insane beeping of the machine didn't stop.

"He's not responding! Clear!"

He could almost see the electricity running through Takao's body and trying desperately to pull him back.

"C'mon, kid, don't give up on me now." Another shock, but this time Takao's body barely jerked. "Damn it… we're losing him… Clear!"

Midorima woke up screaming. Hot tears spilled out the corners of his eyes before he could try to hold them back. The room was cold and dark. Takao hadn't shown up for three days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say about this chapter, it's the one I'm probably most nervous about because I hope I managed to convey the stress, the anger and powerlessness that Midorima is feeling. This is also, I think, the moment where the seed of the conflict in Beyond the Miracle is planted, even though it was completely unintentional.
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone likes it -I mean, as much as one can like more of me making Takao cry and such-. I hope anyone reads it haha. ~~seriously is anyone reading this pls send a sign~~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy my writing and want to know more about it/send me some love, you can hmu @ [my tumblr](https://lia-nikiforov.tumblr.com). Comments are always the most encouraging kind of support! ~~if you're wondering why you're seeing this copy-pasted everywhere it's because I had to edit shit out due to a good samaritan report hahahaha~~

"I'm home." Takao called mirthlessly making a beeline for his bedroom as he'd been doing for the past three days. As he passed by the living room he heard voices calling out to him, but he wouldn't have paid them any mind if he hadn't heard his mother saying "Midorima-san, wait!"

Takao's neck snapped violently when he heard that name, although he couldn't say he was surprised upon finding himself facing Shin-chan's mother once again.

"Your timing is impeccable as always, Kazunari-kun." She commented politely, although she was looking much more worried than Takao had seen her since he'd first woken up after the accident.

"Midorima-san, I already told you I can't accept this. I wish there was more we could do for Shintarou-kun, but Kazunari has allowed his grades to fall too much, if he goes on like this he won't be accepted in any university."

His own mother had a vein pulsing on her forehead and looked ready to burst.

"Wait, Mom, what's going on? D-did something happen to Shin-chan?" he felt a rush of panic as he imagined what would prompt Shin-chan's mother to come and talk to him in person after how terribly bad the last therapy session had gone.

"His condition remains unchanged, for better or worse." She said dryly and the implication was clear: There was still no noticeable progress in the rehabilitation and the panorama was growing less optimistic with every passing day. "Your mother is right, Kazunari-kun, it would do you some good to step back and focus on your studies and your basketball team; I would dread that you neglected your other responsibilities because of my stubborn son taking advantage of your kindness like he always seems to do. But I was asked to deliver a message, and I wanted you to hear it personally before making any decisions."

Takao nodded, not sure of what to expect. He had assumed that Mrs. Midorima would be angry at him for quitting from Shin-chan's rehab therapy after all the trust she had put on him, but he just couldn't find it in himself to go back to the clinic and face Shin-chan; not when their last conversation kept going on endless replay inside his head and made him want to cry.

"Shintarou wants to see you."

That was, unless Shin-chan specifically requested him to do so, and he had a feeling she already knew what his answer would be.

* * *

Dr. Ienaga couldn't decide if she was glad or annoyed by Takao's return. She was tired of these teenagers' drama, but she wanted to see the treatment bare any results at all and Midorima's unstable emotional state was getting in the way of that. So when Mrs. Midorima once again asked for the boys to be left alone (if she didn't know better she'd think those kids were more than just friends, and that the conniving woman was onto them), she didn't even try to retort and left the room without protesting.

Takao flinched when he heard the soft click of the door closing. He couldn't dare to look up, too scared to find more anger or rejection in his boyfriend's emerald eyes. The silence hung heavy and tense.

"I'm sorry."

They were both taken aback when they realized they'd spoken at the same time. Their eyes met for a brief moment, but they diverted their gazes right away, too ashamed by the current situation.

Midorima waited in silence, wondering what it was that Takao had wanted to say. The atmosphere in the room was so dense it was almost suffocating. He realized he was being an idiot. He shouldn't be sitting quietly waiting for Takao's apologies; Takao had  _nothing_  to apologize for.  _He_  had been the one in the wrong, and he knew it since the moment those terrible words had spilled out of his mouth five days ago.

"I'm sorry." He repeated, louder this time, and he raised one hand to stop his boyfriend from talking. "Please forgive me. I was unfair with you; I treated you poorly in spite of everything you've done for me. You've given me your time and patience; helped me through this process and I still took out my anger on you, you didn't deserve that. I'm so sorry, Kazunari. I told Mother to call you because I wanted to apologize to you in person, face to face."

He remembered Takao's heartbroken expression when he'd implied he was guilty for all of this, and he could feel his blood boiling, this time because he was so angry at himself. "All the terrible things I said… I didn't mean any of them, and I wish I could take them back. I haven't thought for a second that any of this is your fault. It isn't, and I've known from the start. I'm so sorry. I was angry and frustrated and I hurt you trying to let all that out, but those aren't my real feelings."

Takao smiled meekly, and that didn't put Midorima's heart at ease at all. "It's okay, Shin-chan. I shouldn't have pushed you so much. It's not even fair that I got upset for something like that, when you're the one who's going through all of this." He sat on the edge of the bed, relieved to know that Shin-chan didn't hate him.

Midorima realized the damage was much bigger than he could've imagined. Even if Takao said it was okay, the fact that he'd said those hurtful things would never change, and he was afraid it would inevitably damage their relationship in the long term. The memories of that day flooded his mind and he remembered how close he'd been to losing the boy he loved and who loved him so much, the lover he'd hurt so deeply out of his childish frustration.

"I love you, Kazunari."

The boy in question was not expecting to hear those words out of nowhere. Shin-chan had never been very inclined to make open declarations about his feelings, but Takao was okay with that because he didn't need to hear it to know how much Shin-chan loved him. It was a part of him that he found endearing in a strange way. But now he was discovering that actually hearing those words made his heart race and soothed all the pain and guilt he'd felt. He shifted to get into a more comfortable position on the bed instead of barely dangling off the edge and smiled. "I love you too, Shin-chan. With all my heart."

He wanted to hug him, and kiss him, but he was satisfied when he felt Shin-chan's fingers lacing with his. This would probably not be their last setback during this process, he was sure there would be more anger, pain and frustration, but he now knew that they would make it through, no matter what.

"Takao, move, that's my leg you're sitting on."

The Point Guard was taken out of his daydreaming by those words, and he was so startled he almost fell off the bed.

"S-sorry, Shin-chan, I didn't real- Wait, how did you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"How did you know I was sitting on your leg?"

"Huh? Because you're heavy, dum-"

They both fell in a sudden silence when realization hit them like the strike of lightning, and the world seemed to go still and quiet for an instant.

"Oh my god, Shin-chan!"

Midorima threw the bedsheets away, revealing his naked legs that had lost much of their muscular build from lack of use. He stared at them intently and then looked up to meet Takao, whose eyes were ridden with anticipation. The heavy atmosphere of the room had shifted, the tension was running high and neither of them seemed to be sure what to do. Finally, Takao took a deep breath and gently laid his trembling hands on top of Midorima's thigh and waited.

The feeling was completely alien. It was totally different to how Midorima remembered Takao's touch to be. His legs were numb and tingling in an unpleasant way. Yet, it was there. Faint and barely noticeable, he could recognize the warmth of Takao's hand. He placed his taped hand on top of Takao's and felt the added weight. His eyes locked with Takao's, now pooling with tears, and they both knew.

Takao jolted from the bed and turned towards the door.

"Shin-chan, oh my god, Shin-chan! I-I'm calling the doctor, we need to tell her. A-and your mom, and- oh my god, Shin-chan!" his brain could barely keep up with the excitement and joy he was feeling. He was about to dash out of the door when he felt Shin-chan's large hand holding him by the wrist, pulling him down so they could join in a sweet, intense kiss, fueled with all the pent-up emotions they'd been building for the past month. And all along, Midorima could feel the warmth of Takao's hand on his leg. Everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and sweet conclusion –with another miracle, to befit the title- for this emotionally overloaded story. I hope everyone likes it, I'm wildly obsessed with this pairing and I love writing about how deeply they feel for each other and how they share this almost psychic connection.
> 
> There's an epilogue coming with a little bit of fluff, please look forward to that.  
> Thanks a lot for reading. Comments would be wildly appreciated


	5. Chapter 5

Eight seconds on the clock and they were two points behind. Kagami had just landed what seemed to be the finishing blow and he was now trying to catch up with Tanda, the Center who was dribbling and trying to get the ball to the other side of the court. Six seconds. Seirin's Furihata was blocking Tanda, he wouldn't be able to move forward.

"CAPTAAAAAIIIN!"

The ball fell on his hands and for a split second he was about to twist his body and send it back to their Ace, but Shin-chan was sitting on the bench, gripping tightly at his knees. Five seconds. Kuroko was coming at him, and he would lose the ball and the game if he didn't do something fast. He glanced at the three-point line drawn under his foot, then back at Shin-chan. His heart was racing so fast it might explode. Three seconds. Do or die. Two and a half seconds. Shin-chan's eyes were strong and determined.  _Do it._

His legs felt so light, for a moment he thought he was flying. He jumped, he shot. The net was so high and so far away, would he even make it? He saw it flash across the court and reach the rim. He didn't want to see. The final buzzer rang over the deadly silent stadium, where everyone seemed to be holding their breaths. The ball tilted and shook, and finally went down in the net as the crowd exploded.

"With a final score of 119 to 118, the winner of this year's Winter Cup is Shuutoku High School!"

Takao's body was numb with adrenaline. It took everyone else in the team to push him towards the man that was handing him the trophy. They did it. They won the Winter Cup. Finally, their dream had come true. An electric shock coursed his body when his skin came in contact with the cold metal and he felt tears pooling at the corners of his eyes as he once again looked at the bench and saw Shin-chan smiling at him reassuringly.

The screams and bellows of the crowd were threatening to make him deaf as he made his way across the court and towards that shock of green.

"I… I wanted us to hold it together." All of the pain and guilt, the joy and euphoria, all of his pride and loneliness became too much and he could no longer hold back the tears; before he knew it, he was sobbing out of control and kneeling in front of the boy that should've been there, sharing the taste of victory with him.

"But we are." Shin-chan said, pulling him closer and holding him by the chin so their eyes could meet, while his free hand circled around the trophy and held it tightly, gently grazing Takao's fingers and stretching his arm so they were holding the cup up high, for the world to see.

The crowd's intense cheering and the echo of "Shuutoku! Shuutoku!" drowned the sound of their tears as they clung for dear life to each other and their broken dream that had somehow managed to come true.

* * *

"You know, when you said we would go out to celebrate my discharge from the rehabilitation clinic, this wasn't exactly what I expected."

Takao grinned sheepishly. "Well, of course I'm taking you to a nice place for dinner, but I wanted to stop by here first. You do remember this place, don't you?"

Midorima groaned. Yes, he remembered this basketball court, it was the place where they used to play one-on-ones during vacations or weekends. It was also there that Takao had accidentally confessed to him the first time, nearly two years ago.

They had both been exhausted after a long practice game, and Takao had been lying flat on the floor trying to even out his breathing. His face was pearled with sweat, and his soaked t-shirt was clinging to his chest like a second skin. There was a huge, satisfied grin plastered on his face, and Midorima found the whole picture quite attractive, not that he would ever admit to it.

" _That was awesome, Shin-chan! You weren't holding back at all!"_

" _Of course not, it would be disrespectful to you."_

Takao sat up and looked at him, his grin unyielding. " _Thanks, Shin-chan. You know, I really love that side of you."_

In any other circumstances, and with any other person, neither of them would've given those words a second thought, but Takao was too paranoid about his feelings being too obvious and Midorima was too desperate for the smallest amount of hope to cling to, and so the moment the words sank in, both of their hearts had seemed to come to a halt.

Takao had immediately switched to flight mode and tried to salvage a situation that he considered could destroy his friendship with the miracle shooter.  _"I-I-I mean, b-b-because Shin-chan is my b-b-b-best f-f-f-friend, d-d-d-don't think I was saying something w-w-weird or anything._ "

Midorima's breath had caught in his throat, and his previous confusion was quickly replaced by anger. He stomped across the court to where Takao was sitting, pale and terrified. He leaned forward to pull him by the wrist so they were now standing face to face, so close they could feel each other's breath.

" _Don't you dare take it back!_ " he was panting, still tired from the game. " _I've… I've wanted to hear you say that… for so long… you can't take it back now._ "

The Point Guard had grazed the taller boy's cheek that was aflame with embarrassment and he smiled in understanding. He'd felt like he wanted to ask many questions, but they didn't seem important enough to bother. Not when Shin-chan was looking so adorable with that crimson blush over his face and all the insecurity and anticipation in his beautiful, oh so beautiful emerald eyes.

" _You're right, Shin-chan, I can't take it back or keep pretending like I'm okay with just being best friends. After all, I_ am _in love with you."_

Midorima still remembered how his heart had skipped a beat when the words he'd yearned to hear for so long reached his ears. Or how he'd felt so warm and happy when they shared their first kiss.

Of course he remembered this place and how special it was for them, but at the same time he wasn't ready to be here, where so many happy memories were tied to  _their_  basketball, knowing they would never play together like they used to.

"I'm sorry, it's just… I've been planning this for a long time and yet I'm feeling a little nervous now. It's kind of lame."

Midorima had not been expecting Takao's tone to become so serious. The shorter boy wasn't facing him, but Midorima could see him fidgeting.

"Shin-chan, I love you very, very, very much. It's like I love you more and more every day. I think my life would make no sense without you."

The green-haired boy pushed the chair forward and grabbed his boyfriend by the wrist.

"And I love you, Kazunari. What's wrong? You're not acting like yourself."

The Point Guard looked at him. He was flushed beet red all the way to the tips of his ears, but he had a certain glow that made him look more beautiful than Midorima had ever seen him.

"No, it's nothing like that, I guess, don't worry. I told you, I'm just a little jumpy. I mean, after everything we've been through… I can't really explain it." He chuckled nervously. He squished Shin-chan's hand in his to reassure himself. "Shin-chan, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So I was thinking that maybe… as a first step… maybe we could move in together… or something? I don't have much money, but I think I can take a part-time job and get some money to pay rent and that sort of things? Maybe it's too soon? Ah, should I have asked your parents first?"

Midorima smiled. Takao had always been hopelessly romantic and it was endearing and heart-warming to know how seriously he thought about everything concerning their relationship.

"Takao, exactly what would you try to accomplish getting my parents' permission?"

"Huh? I-I dunno, I thought… well, your family's really important and you're their only son and –well, there's Shizu-chan, but you know… I just thought I wanted to do it properly, you know?"

There was something inherently comical about imagining Takao bowing with his forehead on the floor and asking for his parents' blessing. He sighed and pulled Takao to sit down so they were at the same height. He still wasn't used to be shorter than his ink-haired lover, he missed towering over him and holding him in his arms, feeling his face buried in his chest and being able to nuzzle his soft hair. It was an alien feeling, having to look up to meet his boyfriend's clear eyes.

"Kazunari, I love you."

Takao's eyes widened. "You've been saying that a lot lately. Are you really my Shin-chan?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Oh, it's really you."

Midorima groaned. It was still hard to be so upfront about his feelings, but he'd promised himself he would make his best effort to show Takao how much he loved him and how grateful he felt for having him. But the shorter boy kept making a big deal out of it, and that only made him more self-conscious.

In a moment of rapt irritation, he grabbed Takao by the back of his head and pulled him forward to kiss him and hopefully make him stop spouting nonsense.

"Ask me again".

"Huh?"

"Ask me again." He repeated; his emerald eyes straight and honest.

Takao gulped, but finally found the confidence to say what he wanted. "Shin-chan, would you move in with me?"

He didn't wait for an answer and leaned in to kiss the love of his life. Shintarou smiled into the kiss, feeling the weight of Takao's hands on his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if Takao, being relatively short, actually has the ability to shoot a three-pointer, but I'm guessing he should be able to nail one occasionally. It's something that connects him to Shin-chan, so I really wanted him to do it. This is, to date, the "action-y" scene that I've felt most satisfied about after writing it. I suck so bad at that, but I think it came out pretty decent this time.
> 
> Chronollogically, this takes place months before the Show you a Miracle epilogue. At this point Shin-chan is just out of rehab and is still reluctant to accept he can't play basketball like he used to. But this is also the moment in which they decide to start their lives together, so I thought it was a good place to end this story.
> 
> Thanks to the handful of people who've read this, I wish I could know what you think of this series, it would make me very happy to hear your opinions. I have some more ideas about this series floating around, but I'm not sure if I'll write them down. Hopefully you'll give my other stories a chance too


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